Boys don’t cry.

Men don’t show emotion.

Rub some dirt on it and Cowboy up kiddo…

You need to toughin’ up.

Don’t let it bother you.

Kids are making fun of you? Get over it.

Pain is good for you.

It’ll put hair on your chest.


There comes a day when “being a man” just has to come to an end and I have to be a human… Without thunderstorms, Sunshine doesn’t get to come out and brighten the world.

For me, thunder happens to be crying and the pouring rain is the tears from my eyes…

Don’t worry:

I’m tough enough… I’ve been through hell and back… I have nothing left to prove.

I just want a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

I don’t want to be laughed at for showing emotion.

I don’t want to be made fun of.

I don’t need special attention.

I’m not depressed, and I don’t have anxiety…

I’m human and I have emotions.

The best event in my life was the day I found out I didn’t have to hide my emotions. But I’ve learned it has become devastating to lose my outlet and have to go back into hiding…

The weird thing is, I don’t think I’m alone on this one. I think there are millions of men who are parading around being all “macho” and all they need is a hug and for someone to show them love and affection in a way they understand. They need someone they can trust and who they is willing to show them it is ok to vulnerable.

I know, I’m a big sissy… I get it… but ya know what?? I don’t give a shit. Call me the worst and I can still guarantee what you can throw at me is nothing compared to what I’m hiding inside… your words are nothing compared to the self-degrading words I call myself… your actions are nothing compared to what these eyes have seen and this mind has been forced to hide for all these years…

For all the years I stuffed myself with food, poured booze down my throat and ran as far away as I could to avoid my problems… there is an important lesson I learned.

Being a man isn’t hiding. Being a tough guy isn’t running away. There is nothing masculine about drowning your feelings with booze…

A true man will stand up and face the problems ahead no matter how much pain and sorrow falls on him. A real man will take responsibility for his actions and mistakes, learn from them and begin again with more knowledge and wisdom.

One day I hope we can get over the stigma that showing emotions and feelings is somehow a weakness. I would love to see the day we stop stuffing ourselves with food and alcohol to cover the pain we feel and allow ourselves the opportunity to shed a layer of ego and let out a little pain… and maybe even a few tears.

There is nothing manly in hiding. The only true maturity is standing in the face of pain and accepting it for what it is… use the pain to learn and to grow… and for the sake of humanity, stop holding your feelings inside… it’s only keeping you from healing.

If you really want to “man up”, allow yourself to feel something real and no matter how uncomfortable or painful it is… stay in the moment. You’ll learn more about yourself in 5 minutes of pain than you’ll ever learn in hours of pleasure.

The biggest smiles carry the most quiet pain… yet only those with the loudest voice get heard.

-Gary Stotler

Published by Gary Stotler

Gary Stotler is a father, running, fitness, weight loss and personal development addict. Formally 400 pounds, Gary has naturally lost 200 pounds, created a coaching & speaking business and has become a 100 mile ultra-runner. Holding a degree in Psychology & Sociology, certifications from the National Academy of Sports Medicine as a personal trainer, mindset & behavioral modification coaching, a certification in DISC personality assessment coaching and he is a certified speaker, coach & mentor with the John Maxwell Team. Gary firmly believes, if we take One Step at a Time, nothing is impossible. He is determined to let his actions show people what is possible and hopes to help you shake up your thoughts, change your actions and create your future.

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